i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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