we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
