Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
