idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
