You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
