I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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