Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
