I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
