sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
