yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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