dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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