Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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