coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
