Swine flu. Run for my life!
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
