I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
