YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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