I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Let's paint friendship bongs
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
