Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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