2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Help me help you realize you are a moron
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
