I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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