def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
