pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
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