i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Randomize
