highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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