I just cut my nipple shaving
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
