So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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