Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Umm I'm too high to move.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
