where does the pee come out of this thing
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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