I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
