Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I think your dad took our porno
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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