i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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