its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
