yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
