i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize