in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
