it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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