Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
