trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
