you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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