2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
