life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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