i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
