My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
