Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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