it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
So I just went to clothing optional bar
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
