We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
