Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize