you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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