It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
