I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You made out with two different species that night
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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