he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
