What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
