I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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