I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
