A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize