I look better un-naked...
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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