he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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