hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
