halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
