My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
