feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize