I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
