i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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