I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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