Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
