I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Randomize
