I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Randomize
