first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
