i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
